The Best Way to Defuse an Argument Is to Listen

Few things feel worse than getting yelled at by a coworker.

When a colleague criticizes you, your first instinct is likely to be self-defense: You want to point out all the ways they’re wrong and you’re right. But even calmly contradicting the substance of your coworker’s argument may make things worse.

Instead of rushing to justify your points, start by validating your coworker’s feelings and restating their views. For example, you could try, “I hear you. You don’t see your team’s input in what I just presented.”

Showing that you’re listening and genuinely trying to understand your colleague’s perspective gives them less reason to holler.

Although it might feel counterintuitive, demonstrating support for an angry colleague — without necessarily agreeing with their points — is one of the best ways to de-escalate a conflict.

Adapted from “How to De-Escalate an Argument with a Coworker,” by Liane Davey